Still here... really!!

I let this go again but I came back. Things got really really WILD here. Whenever you have more then one child over the age of five, you are a professional juggler. Adding another child is not impossible but it requires a re-balancing of everything- otherwise you will be dropping those apples left and right! Caite is with us Monday through Friday now and I think we are officially settled into that new schedule. Volleyball is over at NCSD so we have Soccer two nights a week instead of sports four nights a week, and Caite is in school and has an after school club twice a week as well. Big deep breaths! I have been working about 25% capacity for a local magazine- not at 100% of the time I have allotted for work time, but way way better then 0%. We are making ends meet, almost all the time, cutting corners, and compromising enables us to be able to get what we need, even when it can't be what we want. I am always trying to learn how live a stressless life, and I think I have accepted that no life is stressless. It isn't the stress level, or lack, it is what I choose to do with it. So, I am back on my even keel, and can again look outside the walls of our home to meet up with folks for coffee, or attend meetings and network without feeling like I am losing way too much of myself in the process. I even feel like I have my juggling balanced enough to try and plan a date night for David and me sometime really soon! I am looking forward to that- we need some time to be just us ^__^

Color

I go to a poetry reading every month. Next month's "theme" is color. It is a subject I love, and think about alot. I could write volumes on it. In fact, i was sort of worried that whatever I wrote might be to much for many folks, so I wrote a poem with RoyGBiv in it. Everyone remember Roy G Biv? Your art teacher in school taught it to you as a way to remember your colors-
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
Indigo
Violet.

I wrote the following silly thing-
Ruby eyes
Opening in darkness
Yellow teeth gleam
Gaping maw
Biting deep
In
Violent fury

I am still thinking about color, I just have so much to say about it. The silly little poem will work if I feel silly but I know I am not done with this subject.

The Mother

Russet Fur, shining white
Small sharp teeth that nip at night.
Mice beware, and crickets too,
Rabbits hide, she's after you.


Kits are safe with in the den,
Dreaming of the hunt again
Mother watches, licks their fur,
Keeps them safe from trap and lure.


Alone she hunts in forest deep,
Alone, she puts the kits to sleep.
She guards her den, her heart and soul.
And works to keep them safe and whole.

Summah

Is there anything as enchanting as watching children letting a jarful of fireflies go- to fly free into the night? The giggles!
A family is like a big ship in slow moving water-- it takes a while to get it turned and headed in the direction you want it to go. I feel like ours is on the right track! We are finished with all things elementary, my baby graduated from fifth grade last week. The oldest baby graduated from high school and I am SO PROUD of her! She has overcome more in her short life then some folks do in a long one, and done it with humor. She is my hero. And- I have a new job designing for Foothills Spotlight, a magazine in Cleveland County NC. Ads, layouts, so much FUN! It is part time, and I only have to go into the office once in a while, the rest of my work is from home which is GREAT, esp for summer when everyone is home.
Life is good.

Beautiful

Monsterous is beautiful-
Dark
Sleek, slimy, strong
Unforgiving, rough, invisible.
Monsterous is beautiful-
Fragile
Lacy, floating, shining
Lovely, and yet sharp, deathly
Monsterous is beautiful-
Rich
Coppery, liquid fire
Passion encompassing life...
Monsterous is beautiful-
Poisonous
Unblessed, unshriven, unwanted
Needing nothing, taking all...
Monsterous is beautiful.
~~Dee

still here

Bet you thought I gave up. Goodness knows I have started and abandonded so many blogs over the years, I may be responsible for half the unused clutter worldwide. Hope springs eternal, I am still writing this one.
I have been busy campaigning to save my children's school, North Carolina School for the Deaf. Long story short, the VERY people who are supposed to nurture and guide the school have for the last ten years been running roughshod over it. Firing teachers and hiring fake administrators, cutting the budget and padding their own budget etc.
The short story is that the Senate appropriations bill is in our favor, and the NC Senate passed it. The House looks like it will be a stronger fight and boy I am weary. I have the greatest support in the world but none from current parents- I email them and beg them and no one ever responds which is so frustrating. Today I feel like giving up. But I can't because the simple truth is that I am doing something that NEEDS doing. My kids need that school, and so do other Deaf kids. So I will slog on, hating the politics, hating the emails, letter writing, visitng Raleigh and general ass kissing involved in persuading very powerful people to do what is right for people with almost no political power at all. And when it is done, I am going to take a long vaation from the whole mess.
Or that is the plan anyway. I know there will always be something that needs doing.
And I will be there. That is what parents do.

Vacation and our Creek

so, what is it about vacation that makes us think of swimming? I think the creek is COLD, but Caite and Paddy have gone in the water every day. Lily goes down and watches, occassionally hopping in herself. The kids took old ice cream buckets down to catch fish, but somehow they became hats instead. They carry rocks around, and float in inner tubes, and give boat rides to iumaginary people. They find cool rocks, some of which they bring tot he house, and others are randomly set free again. They look for raccoon prints, and the occassional skunk, or possum. They talk to the fish- tiny fingerlings- remindeing them to grow so that they can be caught and released about a billion times this summer. The creek is a peacful place, even when the kids are there, yelling in excitement and hopping wet. It seems to absorb all that excess energy that spills like th estream itself. When I am there I feel renewed,refreshed. Nothing seems as difficult or insurmountable there. I look forward to the summer now- althought the joys of summer are already upon us here- the sun is warm, the plants are growing the bumbles weave lazily through the forsythia and wysteria, humming in contentment The birds are dressed in Spring garb to impress each other, and they have pulled thread from the bag we set out to weave into nests. The tomato seeds are in soil, sitting int he sun during the day and put up at night to keep the animals from deciding they look too tasty. We got a pot with a hole in the bottom, to try growing the tomato upside down this summer- some small people are PRETTY excited about that. so yeah, life is good.

So I should write something

I did start my etsy! it is here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/FreeRangeFingers yaaay!
Go check it out!
Saw this sign the other day and it got me to pondering all the strange signage we see every day- I am going to try and carry my camera more and capture a few more of these. Good for a giggle and who does not need a giggle? At the moment, giggling and apples (one a day is a doctor repellent you know) constitutes my heath plan. So I want to say thanks to the Government for trying to get me some health care, hope it arrives before I desperately need it and all. OK, so I probably desperately need it now and don't know it, but ignorance is bliss- no?

This week, I have been contemplating the Palin train wreck. Why oh WHY do people think they are impressed by that stupid woman? There is no doubt she is stupid, but somehow folks think THAT IS OK...
::big breath::
WHY would be want someone who is stupid to be president? Why would we want just a 'regular guy' type to be president? Our ancestors chose carefully, in the hopes that they were picking the best and brightest of the age- Washington, Jefferson, Kennedy- men with vision, education, eloquence. When did STUPIDITY become something to brag about? When the President is meeting with other countries, don't we want to show them that we are NOT all the "Stupid American Tourist" type? Don't we want someone who can be depended on to pronounce large words correctly AND be able to use them in a sentence? Someone with their own ideas and concepts who does not get "misquoted" or "misunderstood" a thousand times over? Someone who had visions for the future and not a history of failure? The president should be an example of the best and brightest of us, a man or woman who is able to talk about many subject with confidence. Who knows the history of our land, and how our current laws evolved. Who does not allow religion to govern their governance. Who can meet with other world leaders and not make us cringe and send emails to friends abroad in apology. The world is a small place. If we as a nation decide to glorify the mundane, the moderately ok, nothing to aspire for- is it any reason our children (who are taught to fill in blanks, vs think outside the box, but that is another rant entirely) are slipping further and further down the list of educated nations? Why BE someone who matches a high potential when any Sarah,Dick or Harry can be president? Stupidity ion a comedian is, well, amusing. The President should not be amusing- it is a serious, dignified and weighty job. I for one and relieved to have a current President who takes the job seriously.

Etsy Fear

This winter, amid trips to Raleigh and meetings I started to crochet handwarmers, scarves and coasters. I can throw the yarn in a bag and bring it with me in the car, and it keeps me from drifting off and being bad company. I now have designed hangtags, a standard size chart for the handwarmers and even filled a commission and mailed it out, my first successful sale. I have a whole box of handwarmers ready to sell. So why haven't I started selling? Etsy fear. I have the darn account. I can see what other folks are selling, but not add mine. I get to the page where they want my credit card and I think "What if I sell something and I don't have any money on my debit card?" Not working steadily does that to a poor overworked card. The minute amout they charge for each posting and sale and I have anxiety. I LOVE these handwarmers, and I love the unique way they are reverseable- something you don't see in crochted goods often. So today I am asking myself- if I can meet with the movers and shakers in Raleigh, and voice my convictions to them, even if my voice shakes when I start, and convince them to support our plans, why oh why am I intimidated by a quarter ounce of plactic with a magnetic strip on it?

Saturday morning

On Saturday morning, I look forward to some alone time, before the kids come down stairs, to regroup for the week and prioritize. That didn't happen this week and I will admit it has made me feel kinda whiney. PAddy and I had an agreement that should he stay upatairs and rest longer, he could stay up later tonight and when tonight rolls around, he will feel kinda whiney too. Oh well thems the breaks.

I raked the leaves off the patht to creek, mostly so the Widows would not try to set up shop directly where we wander. The forest being their natural home, I fell lilke a better neighbor, giving them a heads up- big gauwmy things are going to walk here, best try the next tree over for your lovely web, tyvm. She is a lovely thing isn't she? All shiney and black with the red hourglass reminding us that time is precious. Still, I would rather not have her on my foot.

I think the kids have outgrown the sandbox- they have broken all the toys in it, and it is time to take the boards up and use them for something else. Fun while it lasted, but a pain to mow around. Last summer the ant lions build huge craters int here and it was more fun to watch them then to play in sand really.

The daffoldils are up, and almost ready to bloom. I look forward to that every year.

And Pix and I had a nice walk about the yard. She is not convinced about outside being anything more then a needed bathroom, but maybe a walk now and then will warm her up to the idea. She sat on the porch with me, rocking in the swing and growling like a lil teensy gargoyle at passing larger things, lol having Momma's knee to hide behind is a great source of bravery. Spring makes all our troubles seem lighter somehow which is a grand thing! The taxes on our house are paid, and I can stop worrying about that and admit I was scared to death at the possibility of not making that payment. A true gift, that was and one I will not forget.

Like the flowers and buds, I too am beginning to feel the possiblity of growth and unfurl in the warming spring air...

My friend Snooze posted something about mice and it made me think about my favorite flower- the Dandilion. I tried to post a comment on her blog but for some reason my computer refused to comply with my wishes so I decided to write here.
Dandilions are the most amazing flower- they can live in the wild, in conditions that scorch garden blossoms. You can find them bursting up through the concrete in cities, the relentless cheerful yellow flowers easily identified by any toddler. And they are FUN- I still love blowing the seeds off a dandilion and watching them float away to find another spot to be for a while. Dandilions are beautiful. If they were a hot house plants, we would plant them in every garden and marvel at the unique lovliness that is the dandilion. Instead, they refuse to allow us that control and break free, growing wherever they want at every turn. Once, long ago- I wrote a poem about my favorite flower...

Dandilions
Your flower is a burst of sunshine
Children make wishes with your puffs of white.
If you were rare,
our gardens would welcome you,
And coax you to bloom.
We harvest your leaves, use your roots
to eat, make herbals, make wine,
call you Leontodon-tooth of the lion.
You are relentlessly yellow-bright
People try to tame you,
try to control your growth,
But your seeds fly free
You resist the manipulation of humankind,
Refuse to be tamed, but grow free in every part of the world.
City dweller, you grow up through cracks in the concrete.
Your cheerful flowers drench fields in yellow.
We call you a weed,until we know better.
You are a survivor
tough, adaptable, determined,
a healing herb with attitude to spare.

Addams Family

"when we're together, darling, every night is Halloween.."
I am rewatching my old favorite, the Addams Family and again I am struck with the similarities to my own family. I guess it was not much of a suprise, that someone who watched the show religiously as a child. As an adult, it took me years to realize that I was comparing my own relationships to that of Morticia and Gomez- their passion for each other and the family so obvious. Who hasn't wanted a Thing? The old black and white films evoke a simpler time, but the family itself is eternal- they are unusal and creepy yo outsiders but always and forever they are true to themselves and each other. Content to be who they are, and oblivious to what others think they roll along, in love and gothic humor for all time- I salute you Charles Addams, and salute us as we roll along in our own gothy splendor:)

Valentine's Day is here. We can't afford to do anything, but it does not matter in the least. There is nothing in our lives that matters that would be bettered by a "grand gesture". Our love would neither increase nor decrease, based on the pricetag of an expensive present. We would not cherish each other more if there were new gewgaws involved.
With you, dear one, every day is a celebration of our love, and you are the cream for my coffee, the sunshine in my sky.
Here's to us!
mwahz.

Free Range Fingers!

When Eilish had her hand bandaged, we had a tube-like thing to cover the bandages. During the time she had the bandages on, we had the start of a cold snap here in NC and I thought that the cover looked cozy, like a legwarmer for the hand. She could sign with it, and it covered her wrist. I thought I would like to have something similar- a hand warmer that would allow me to type, text and sign. So i fiddled around and invented them! i made a set for everyone at home, and then decided I might expand my market a bit. That is how Free Range Fingers handwarmers was born! I am going to try and sell these nifty lil handwarmers and see how it goes. I used a crohook (double ended crochet hook) and dual yarns, so they are reverseable and quite cosy. as of now, I have several pairs in medium ready to sell and I have photos of sizes small, medium and large to post. I also have a set of cotton crochet coasters that amuse me- I think I shall make more of those as well.

Do you need a good cry?

This week I was reading various articles on the net about the benefits of having a good cry. I have always thought that there was something healthy about a good cry- you feel better when all that stuff is not locked up inside, don't you? I do. it's like the tears have washed away that which weighed so heavily. http://www.helium.com/items/339767-possible-health-benefits-of-crying is an article y Dr. Keven Keough. While I don't know him, I thought the article sounded sensible. He says that studies show strong and consistent evidence that crying is linked to significant health benefits. Stress hormones cause damage to virtually all bodily systems- we all realize that. Stress, in fact damages the very parts o the brain that are designed to reduce our stress. Tears contain stress hormones- it is a way for our bodies to shed these toxic hormones in a natural and effective way.
I feel better, knowing that the cry that often makes me feel like my problems are not so stressful is actually helping me to cope with the stress of modern life in an ancient, natural and effective way. So let your tears flow and know you are helping yourself to be healthy!

My Art

When I was looking for work, I nearly stopped making any kind of art at all. I let my worries cloud my creativity! So I have decided that there is a new Art plan for me! I will get back to taking photographs for my own stock, and to work on those skills every week. AND at least every other day I will doodle in my sketchbooks. Last night, in the bath, I drew my big toe and it felt really good to have a real pencil in my hand again! I love photomanipulations and digi art, but I think I need to hold pencil and paper on a regular basis for my own joy.
So, I will occassionally fly of the deep end here and post work that will seem kinda out of context! Most of my life is out-of-context I suspect anyway ^.^
Speaking of- I was telling David the other day how I missed my blue hair. When I started Art School, the talking heads agreed that my lock of vibrant blue hair was not a "corporate image" and I should lose the blue in order to get work. Well, not having blue hair didn't REALLY give me any kind of corporate image either, and I miss it as does my family. So I suspect when I can afford to, the blue will return again. On another note, I miss my stained glass work. I suspect that is another thing I will go get when I can afford to is the chemicals to make my glass again. I have quite a bit o glass, and my tools. When I have the chemicals, I can make a few things to sell. When I made glass before, most of the designs available were for fairies and flowers... Nice, pretty things, but not really my style. I started designing by designing my own glass plans. Fox, Cougers, dragons.... The trick to designing or glass is to remember that glas does not like to be cut in certain ways, and that you need room for your lead. Glass is really fun but to make a good design, you need to break some. I am wondering what to start with ^.^ Maybe a black panther with this design.